hard to come up....

for air.it's been a incredibly difficult week. ups and downs-ultimately i will be fine and i'll find the light at the end of the tunnel.being that i'm super sensative to the conditions around me, alot of this might have to do with the weather,or no matter how good the move is,it's still a move and still a stresser.and let's not forget the daily happenings of the last week. i know that there is probably no one reading this but i'll keep all those happenings to myself at the moment as know one really can grasp all of it just reading a silly blog!on the up side to all of it.....my house is coming together quite nicely. i live right next to a sweet ol' red barn that is a antique store... this proves to be a dangerous situation for my wallet.however i'm finding lovely treasures to make the kitchen more functional on all levels and crocks to facilitate my next fementing projects! miso and kombucha-i've had my hand at kombucha before but let that go by the wayside since that trials of last summer erupted.but i'm back in full creative force and can't wait to see how this next swing of flavor turns out. i'll keep all posted.that' as far as i've gotten in the kitchen thus far-it's difficult to organize a user friendly space when running the gamet on all other levels.so i'm just starting now, again i'll keep posted on my endeavors.

it's been some time.....

since i've typed anything- i'm not entirely sure why i bother to do so- just another outlet, i suppose. and what's really great i'm pretty sure that there is no audiance so i truely don't worry about spelling or grammer or opinions.just a place to practice typing skills- and put down thoughts! i've moved into possibly the best place i've ever lived outside my parents place in virginia.the comfort level here is one i haven't really felt since then.a 1700's ol' stone with so much caracter i swear i feel the walls breathe.she makes noises all her own that sometimes scare me and sometimes just lets me no she's right there seeing all that goes down.i always wanted a porch and now finally have a huge one that i've decorated as if it was just another room of the house.the antiquies that i've collected through th years from various places i've visited or that just got passed down throught the family- really lend themselves well to this ol place. one of the best parts that i feel so great about is that this was all mine. done all by myself. that overwelming feeling of independance has reared it's ugly head again, and i'm truely enjoying it. it's been 3 years since i've been tied down and this time, this house, this part of my life i'm truely thankful for the time alone. to think and grow, to work out those thoughts and question everyone of them without having someone tell me what to make of them, because their all mine. i've been told that this independance that i display is scary to some.scary in the sence that it might be off putting and sometimes aragant.i feel that in this point of my life alil aragance, held in the right perspactive sould be a healthy thing.it's been far to long that i've put my ego on the backburner to allow others to shine.now is a time for me to let my ego be a thing of today.again kept in perspective an ego is a mighty fine thing to have in the for front. hell we all have one it's just a matter of how we use it, right? anyway more to come on my lovely new home in the woods on the musky river and my sweet new kitchen that i intend on creating bangin good eats!

i had a chance.....

to go home for the holidays. believe it or not it had been 18 years since i had spent a holiday with a member of my personal kin.not because a tragic fight amoung us,not because anyone moved out of the country and distance was too great.... just because life had gotted away with us and time decided to fly by as it usually chooses.it was a while since i had been to virginia as well, her mountains gave me a great big hug and welcome home.it felt soo warm and comfortable, familiar. i was pleased as pie to be able to see my mother in her own apartment and see her decorating hasn't failed her yet.she has a special nack for arranging wall hangings and furnture, all very stunning antiques.it was nice to be surrounded by the things that i grew up with.we stayed up later that i'm sure we should have talking face to face and not having to worry about the phone bill. it was wonderful getting to see her smile. i was thrown back by how much she had aged though, it put my age and life into a bit different perspective.soon my cute lil laugh lines that i like about myself will turn to those same deep creases on my mothers face. being that we are native american we ware them well and it just looks "right". i spent christmas day in the kitchen with my brother...the traditional fair....stuffed turkey,ham, but instead on pineapples we had a twist of apricots(my bro and i both like to cook savory dishes with fruit!),mashed taters, and i twisted up the brocoli with fresh fennel in a cream wine sauce. some more sides,oh yes and not to forget the swiss dip(thanks kim still a crowd pleaser) a huge dining table was crowded so that only plates would fit, no elbows.such a nice time to cook together again and to share a passion with dear matt,we even managed to sneak outside for some personal talking/counciling time. i had the pleasure of meeting my nephew for the first time. appropriatly named sam,after my dear sweet brother who couldn't make the holiday get together due to an untimely demise.he was sorely missed for this reunion.....but was close at heart and on everyones tongues.my nephew, sammy was an amazingly polite and sweet lil one.i'm very proud of my brother,seeing him with his son and in full daddy mode, was quite a treat. i was jealous for a moment that sam wasn't there with his kids but pulled myself back to reality quick and was just pleased for what i did have right in front of my eys. it was a well deserved get way that i enjoyed to no end. after the second most horrible year of my life....the christmas holiday made it a special note to end the year on...........